Dr. Rodney McKay [Stargate: Atlantis] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
energyfieldgood) wrote2029-09-02 02:54 pm
energyfieldgood) wrote2029-09-02 02:54 pm
IC Inbox for Apocalypse Now
"This is McKay. Leave a message if it's important. And I stress. Important.
Don't make me call you back and reiterate what important means."
audio | video | text
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[He can't help himself, he just blurts it out.]
Oh, come on. What happened this time?
[His hand comes up, feeling for his neck.]
Did you bite me again? Did I have another hickey?
cw: body horror
There’s a long.
Slightly annoyed.
Pause.]
…
…well, yeah.
I mean, it happened awhile back, but—
—yeah, my artifact…made me wanna hunt you.
In my defense, I thought you were horribly being twisted against your will into a prey animal?
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[Sorry John.
It's just that it seems to be a theme.]
Did you make me run a lot? You made me run a lot, didn't you. It was Dogtown all over again.
... Oh my God, were we in Dogtown?
Wait, what animal did you think I was?
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[He really, really doesn’t, and sounds like he wants to know why just as badly as Rodney does.]
Yes—and no, we weren’t in Dogtown—it was the canteen.
…
…a rabbit.
[A beat.]
I thought you were a really cute, little rabbit.
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[Ex
cuse him.]
You chased me in the canteen because you thought I was a rabbit.
[He's just staring at him now in utter mortification.]
And people saw?!
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[Welp.
Here they go again.]
Wait, that’s what you’re concerned about, is that people saw?!
I mean, there’s like, probably a few more things that were more pressing at the time—
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But everyone else will remember them!
Everyone else remembers you thinking I was a bunny! I am never leaving this room again!
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That’s what you’re taking away from this?!
[Is this really happening.]
The point is I could have hurt you! Or worse! We haven’t really spoken much since then!
Like—it was really bad?!
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[Except then he pauses.
We haven't really spoken much since then.]
Oh.
[Maybe that's why John didn't know about the laptop? Or why Rodney didn't tell him? It's infuriating that he'll never know which decisions he made and why. And now John probably can't even help him fill the gaps because they hadn't spoken.]
... That bad?
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Unless it’s a really good one.
[He pauses, too, the days have taken their toll on him, especially after…that.]
Yeah. That bad.
…why do you think I brought you so many snacks?
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Because you like me?
[It's just, he wasn't questioning it that much.
Oh no, what if...]
... You still like me, right? Like, we didn't, uh. Wedidntbreakupdidwe?
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Well. Yeah. But these are guilt snacks.
[Which accounts for at least 50% more snacks.]
Of course I still like you!
And no, we didn’t…break up. I was…I thought that maybe you couldn’t stand to be around me anymore, though.
Or that you were afraid of me.
That you’d want…that.
I would understand, if that’s what you wanted.
[It’s so weird to still think of them being a thing. They had been a thing before but now it’s like—official, which meant that breaking up was also a thing. A thing that he was afraid might happen, too.]
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Oh. Well, they're appreciated.
[You should bring him guilt snacks more often.]
And I don't. I don't want to break up?
[He doesn't. Does he? Did he?]
Maybe I did or maybe I was just angry or scared or maybe-- look, I don't remember. I don't remember anything! I don't even remember being mad at you? And it's freaking me out but I don't want that.
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Good.
And I don’t want to, either.
[He allows himself the tiniest bit of relief.
And dares to reach out with his (not claw) hand, for Rodney’s hand.
His voice goes a little…raw, a little softer.]
I hate that I did scare you like that. Or that I’m just…a danger to you. And you have every right to be pissed at me, I…
…the last thing I would ever wanna do is hurt you. Or let you down.
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[But even when he tries, he just can't will his body to feel the anger for a thing he can't remember. So instead, he lets John take the hand and gives a tiny squeeze.]
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the artifact. I don't remember why I didn't but it seems so stupid that I wouldn't? Maybe I only found it after we stopped talking or maybe it was influencing me or... I don't know. I don't know why I wouldn't tell you.
[He frowns, it's just all so confusing and jumbled and he can't make sense of it.]
I guess I really was mad or scared.
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[Like, he feels guilty about that, too. Somehow.
He just hates the idea of Rodney being afraid of…him.]
Yeah. And I’m sorry I tried to hunt you. And that you got scared.
[He squeezes his hand back.]
You’re the most important person in my life, Rodney. I can’t…I can’t lose you.
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[He tries to sound indignant about it but it's hard because then John goes ahead and says that and... and the world feels a little warmer because of it.]
... You know, if you stopped chasing me you'd probably improve those chances by a solid 17%.
[It's teasing but it's mild and he ducks his head smiling, stepping in closer to clumsily put his hand on his chest.]
You, ah. You can make it up to me? I guess. I mean, guilt candy is a good start but I'm sure there's lots of more ways to, you know...
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[Suddenly everything is all right with the world—if he ignores how horrible the world actually is for a moment and just apply it to him and Rodney—and he doesn’t know what to do with it, what to do with the rush of relief, of happiness, of a love so fierce he can hardly deal with it.]
Make it up to you? The guilt candy’s not enough? I think it’s enough.
[It’s a gentle tease back as he leans in, brushing his nose with his tentatively, before leaning in the rest of the way for a kiss.]
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[And then there is a kiss and maybe he's not a bunny but butterflies because they're going wild in his stomach. There's the familiar rush of giddiness, of startled wonder that John, someone like John, would like him, would want to do this and as always, it makes him a little weak in the knees.]
That's... a start.
[His face flushes and he has to look down, he is grinning so hard.]
But... you know, apparently I forget stuff so... so maybe you have to remind me? A lot?
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[It’s just that sounds like what you’re saying.
The fierce feeling of love only gets worse when Rodney just…looks like that, all shy and his face turning red and it’s too much, really too much.
He leans in, kissing him again.]
There. That counts as a lot.
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[And that's another kiss and it shuts him up. In a good way, though. The best way? His complaints fade away into a soft hum and he leans against John, feeling himself relax, feeling some of that that fear from the hollow emptiness in his mind ease.]
... That counts as something.
[For a lot you'll have to do it again.
And again.
And maybe again after that?]
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[The look on John’s face suggests there will be no shortage of this. There’s something impossibly soft, impossibly tender, all the things he can’t say out loud are just there, on his face.
He holds him (with his non-claw hand) as he leans in, and kisses the top of his hair.
There’s a pleasant rumbling in his throat that sounds an awful lot like a purr.]
You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?
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[He sounds just this side of smug about it. Honestly, he's gonna milk it to death. There better be lots of smooches like this in the near future.
But then there's a sigh and he nestles against him.
There's a pause and he's uncharacteristically quiet for a moment.]
What if it happens again?
[It's soft, almost inaudible.]
I don't want to forget this.
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[He’s just saying. He runs circles gently against Rodney’s back as he leans his head against his.
Oh.
That’s a horrible thought.]
Then I’ll remind you.
[He looks into Rodney’s eyes, nothing but adamant conviction in his.]
I won’t let you forget.
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Okay.
Wait, let me just...
[... "note that down", he mumbles, pulling out the notebook and jotting down some keywords under the meeting he wrote down earlier.
john brought guilt snacks because he thought I was a rabbit and chased me (weird)
will remind me if i forget stuff again
And then, a little under that,
john is my boyfriend]
(no subject)